Through the fire…
Its in interesting dynamic; the toxic relationship, on one hand you actually whole heartdly love this person and on the other hand you cant believe that you accept and tolerate such mean and demeaning behavior; What is wrong with me; you ask… over and over again! NOTHING IS WRONG WITH YOU… just want to make that clear!! Its just something within your body and mind when growing up took on the FALSE belief that something was, so you walked around with this SUBCONCISOUS belief which attracted the Narcissist, the Alchoholic, The Bully; This person saw something in you that they wanted and needed so bad and took advantage of your good heart and big spirit …. and then you fell in love with the “good parts” of them and got intangled in the relationship, of course you have insecurities; everyone does, but you DO NOT deserve to be manipulated, put down, bullied, or to be the emotional punching bag to someone else.
I have personally experianced this type of relationship OVER AND OVER again; in romantic, family and friend relationships! The Covert narcissist in my opnion; is the biggest mind fuck; because at least with the bully and the Overt Narc, its in your face, its blatant mean behaviour, but the sneaky and insidious ways of the covert is what really fucking pisses me off (Sorry… but… ) To me this has been the most heartbreaking and quite frankly SCARY; because with this relationship, this person could be the closest to you, acting like they really care, your mind gets confused because they do “NICE” things; buy you gifts, send nice text messages throughout the day, post your pictures together on social media, say ALL THE FUCKING RIGHT THINGS… and they are smart, they get to know you so well; like every part of what makes you tick, and they slowly use this against you to gain more control over your emotions; YET they know EXACTLY WHEN TO BE NICE AGAIN and becuase you get so close to this person, and you are fucking a human that needs love, you trick yourself into believing that they actually do care! The Psychological Term for this is called; Cognitive Dissonance; when you FEEL in your gut that something is JUST OFF, but this person does and says all the right things, so you start rationalizing the behaviour! ( TO BE OPEN AND VULNEARABLE) When I was in this type of relationship; I got down to 100 lbs; WAY TO SKINNY; I had digestive issues, which caused me to get colonics weekly, and I just didnt understand WHY.. I ate healthy, I exercised…. HERE IS THE TRUTH; MY BODY WAS TRYING TO GET MY ATTENTION THAT I WAS BEING EMOTIONALLY ABUSED!!!!!! AND GET THIS… This person tried to paint a picture of me to my family that I WAS SICK!!! So that I would be MORE DEPENDANT on him! Again; Manipulation and Control !!!
Heres the thing; I truly believe that every person that crosses your path is meant to happen; there is always a lesson, a take away, something that your soul needs to learn from every relationship; ESPECIALLY THE MOST CHALLENGING ONES; These ones teach you more about yourself then any other; so from that perspective their can be a sense of compassion and even gratitude…
Here are just a few signs of the Classic Toxic Relationship;
The push/pull dynamic ...
The "honeymoon" stage after the SAME fight
The promises of "I've changed".. when you know deep down they haven't ... but you are so addicted to the high of the "honeymoon" stage (Or the loneliness gets to hard and your brain starts remembering the “Good” Times)
The Abandonment when they know they have hurt you but will not take responsibility ( which is just a manipulation tactic by the way... to get what they want)
The Silent Treatment.. so they don't have to apologize or take accountability
The "compliments" along with a Put Down
The straight out LIES and DECEIT .. then the begging for "forgiveness"
The "Mr. Nice Guy" the one who ACTS like they have your back.. but then you slowly lose yourself in the relationship because of manipulation and control.
The ISOLATION tactics to keep you dependant on them and get your friends and family on "THEIR SIDE" ... because they paint you to look like the; "sick one" the "bad one" the one with "the problem"
The masterminding of STORIES told behind your back to keep you in ISOLATION from friends and family
The Carefully Crafted ways of keeping you in the grips of control and manipulation.
The Verbal yelling, the cruel hurtful words. Just plain Mean Spirited….
The Drama + Chaos
I have experienced all of the above, in all forms of relationships; family, love and so called friends. I have felt the isolation, the disbelief, the anger, the feeling of wanting to be small or dissapear just to keep the peace, the tremendous heartbreak … honestly its ALOT for one to take on and trust me when I tell you I FEEL your pain if you have had only but ONE of these kind of relationships; I have had several throughout my lifetime and they have all taught me the SAME thing!!!
I mean... if you know you know!!!
Its exhausting
Its depleting
It keeps you locked in but You are FINALLY DONE!
And here’s the thing; once you SEE ALL OF IT.. there is no turning back!! It may be hard, but deep down you know that if you continue, it will be the SAME CYCLE over and over again, like any other addiction you have a BOTTOM and when you know you are DONE; you MUST LOVE YOURSELF enough to Heal, Change, Grow and Move On!!
If you have experienced a relationship like this you know it can affect every area of your life, so we cannot deny that healthy ones are a must. I mean I feel like I can truly say that stable loving relationships are more impactful to our health and beauty then any kind of store bought product, facial or body contouring machine.
We need both BUT
A Happy Heart is Everything...
If you are DONE with the toxic relationship or just fresh out of a significant break up and ready to enter an era of reinventing yourself
Reignighting yourself
An internal glow up with a holistic approach.
I'd love to support you on the journey back to yourself!
To your health and beauty!
xo
Jenna