Boundaries
I was tempted recently to break a boundary after over a year! This is a situation where "NO CONTACT" is definitely in my highest and best interest. So why would I be tempted to talk to someone who has been verbally abusive and mean! Can you relate to this kind of relationship, where you fall in love with "The Good" parts of someone, but they have another side that is abusive, unstable, and just plain mean spirited; they have put you down, made you feel scared, made you feel like you are not enough, they have lied, manipulated and have drained your energy; physically, mentally, emotionally! Essentially have “Controlled” your emotions (Abuse can be SUBTLE too through: little digs, using other people that are close to you to make you feel bad, Gift Giving but also talking down to you.. ect.) IF YOU FEEL SOMETHING IS OFF, IT IS!!
OF COURSE there's the FLIP SIDE to this person; they have made you laugh, feel beautiful, feel seen and heard, there have been moments spent with this person that felt; passionate, deep, fun, high, honest and intimate! The "inconsistency" causes complete confusion in your brain and body, that you start to question what is true and real! You start to MISTRUST your intuition and gut feelings, and you are so wrapped up in the "GOOD MOMENTS" that you start to accept the bad behavior and ignore everything else! This is when you are tempted to break a boundary! ... I have done so in the past.. BUT NOT THIS TIME;
I have cultivated enough self awareness and self love to pause, reflect and then decide... This time I CHOOSE MYSELF!
Thank you though for the lesson. I am grateful. There is always a gift in every situation...
The work is to become so strong in SELF LOVE that you are totally and completely UNBOTHERED, because you know the truth of who you are!
The only way to get to this place is deep inner work! Finding and healing the root of why this person has been attracted into your life in the first place (HINT) it's always about childhood and how the relationship with the two primary people in your life were! Were you in an environment of love and stability or Not? THIS IS NOT A JUDGEMENT!!! This is only shining light on where the work needs to begin!
We will UNCONSCIOUSLY RECREATE our childhood home with a partner because it feels FAMILIAR and the brain wants familiarity over something NEW. So we will find ourselves in "toxic" or similar FEELINGS that we had as a child; Walking on Eggshells, not being able to express our true feelings, staying silent and afraid, acting as if we are happy to KEEP the "BIG PEOPLE" happy, ignoring our own needs to PLEASE others, Boundaries being crossed, Not knowing ourselves on a deep and intimate level in order to be robust and strong! We can keep this up for some time, but eventually the BODY will show signs; sickness, lethargy, weight loss or weight gain... ect. ...
A mantra; "I allow love to be true, possible, valid and enough" ... ( SELF LOVE)... everything else unfolds from here!
To your health and beauty!
xo